Meditation, Alan Watts and a Tarot Card Reading

 

I haven’t posted anything for awhile, so I want to apologize to my followers for that. It seems as though just when I get going and things in my life are getting ironed out, I get kicked in the throat. Not to be entirely pessimistic, but this cycle has been going on for most of my life. I’m not sure why and this is something that I’ve been meditating on nearly every day during my absence.

An online friend introduced me to a man by the name of Alan Watts. He has passed on, but his videos are still quite prevalent on You Tube and I have been listening to them almost every day since he was made known to me. He was a Buddist with Hindu leanings and I’m not, but what he talks about makes a lot of sense to me, not to mention the fact that listening to him makes me feel like I’ve just let go a breath that I’ve been holding for years and years. This has to be a positive thing.

Ok now on to my Tarot Reading of the Day:

The first card I drew was the Ace of Wands.

ace-of-wands

This card represents new beginnings. You’ve planted your proverbial wand in the ground and from here there are many roads to choose. Since this card was drawn in the first position of a 4 card draw, my guides are telling me that this represents a point of time in the recent past. I’m not sure when. It could have been on Saturday when I finally committed to cleaning out my mother’s house. She died in October of 2015 of multiple heart attacks attributed to a congenital heart defect and COPD. Her death has been particularly hard on me, but on Saturday a friend of mine went with me to her house and I was able to get quite a bit packed up for donation to a local charity. This may be my new beginning. This is quite a positive card. My intuition is telling me that this card is telling me that I’m going in the right direction.

The second card that I drew was the Eight of Cups.

eight-of-cups

This card symbolizes diving deep into the subconscious or searching spiritually. Diving deep into the waters of your belief system or deep self examination. It’s highly introspective. This is representative of what I said above about meditating daily and listening to Alan Watts. I’m trying to change myself for the better. In my humble opinion, if we don’t change, we get stale and our spirit suffers and grows small and still. I, for one, want my spirit to be alive and I want to lean into my spiritual gifts not only so that I can help myself, but also so that I can help others. This card represents where I am at the present moment.

The third card I drew was the reversed Five of Pentacles.

five of pentacles

This card shows a woman who is seemingly trapped in a bubble of her own inner pain. She doesn’t see the beauty around her because she is too focused on her own pain. However, I drew this card in reverse. So the reverse of this is true for me in the near future. This is a positive card in the reverse position (It can be seen as positive in the upright position as well. Showing a person that they are trapped in their own pain. Sometimes it’s good to get perspective on a situation so that we can move in a positive direction.) I hope that my world will open up and that I will have a chance to help others get out of their pain or at least begin to manage it. I believe this is one of the reasons I have incarnated in this place at this time: to help people ascend into the best version of themselves that they can be (This goes for myself as well.)

The fourth and last card I drew was the major arcana card, The Sun.

the-sun

This is a very positive card and since it is situated in the last position in the four card draw, it represents not my near future, but a future that is possible for me further down my time line. It is showing me that a dawn will come after the darkest period of my life I’ve experienced so far in my life. It indicates fulfillment as well. All I’ve really ever wanted out of my life is to be as content and happy as I can in whatever situation I find myself in. It’s hard to be an optimist when all you see around you is darkness and pain. I know that all too well. However, this card gives me hope that the sun will again shine on mine and my daughter’s lives and that our deepest heart’s desires will be fulfilled. This rekindles my hope, which has been suffering for the last year and a half (basically since my mother died).

I hope this post was interesting to ya’ll. If there are any questions or help that I can give, please comment and I will answer you as quickly as I can. I realize that what’s going on in my life isn’t really that interesting or that important to anyone else but me, however I hope that the tarot card meanings were informative and helpful to ya’ll.

I want to thank everyone who comments and follows me. It is truly an honor.

Blessed Be.

Tarot Card of the Day~Four of Wands-Reversed

four-of-wands

REVERSED FOUR OF WANDS TAROT CARD MEANINGS

The Four of Wands reversed suggests there is a lack of harmony or a breakdown in communication in your family or home. There may be tension between family members or loved ones and you are finding yourself getting caught up in other people’s concerns and relationship problems. This may leave you feeling uncertain about your own relationships and what you can and cannot depend on. You may also be going through a period of transition in your family and home life and feeling some tension as a result.

Similarly, you may find your home situation becomes increasingly unstable. There may be an external threat to the peace and happiness you once had in your home. You may be placed into a temporary situation which appeases your immediate concerns but does not yet solve the longer-term issues. Depending on your living arrangements, it may be better to move home for the time being to allow things to settle.

Given the upright Four of Wands reflects stability, the reversal of this card can indicate that you are going through a period of transition where there is little stability and security. You may be experiencing multiple changes in your life, such as changing jobs, moving house and/or leaving a relationship. While you know that this is an important transition that you need to make, it can be quite unsettling, leaving you feeling out of balance and uncertain about your future.

In a relationship reading, the Four of Wands reversed reflects someone who may not be looking for a particularly long-term relationship but is willing to invest in it for the time being. There is a lack of commitment, or even a fear of commitment, which is preventing them from wanting a long-term relationship.

Biddy Tarot

________________________________________________________________

This one hits me right in my anxiety today. I haven’t been working for the last year because I’m pretty disabled, but when I applied for disability (the case went all the way to a judge) I was denied because I have too much education. It’s like you can’t be smart to be disabled, which implies covertly that only the ignorant can be disabled and be compensated for it. That is weird.

Anyway, I have realized for some time that I’m going to have to get a job, but the one thing that is holding me back is that I know literally no one in this town that would be able to watch my daughter while I worked. I’m so picky about who stays with her while I’m gone. I mean you have to be, right? Her safety is paramount.

I also have the land that my mother left me when she died, which includes one renter. His rent pays for my car payment, but I need other incoming money as well. I have only that money coming in and everything else going out for other bills. There is also the house she lived in on that land. I want to rent that out as well, but I have to clean it out first. My mom was right on the border of being a hoarder so there’s a lot to do still and I’ve been working on it for the last year a little at a time as my pain level will allow. I didn’t do any this summer because I’ve had the electric turned off. I can’t afford to pay two electric bills. However, now that it’s getting cooler, I may be able to go over there in the daytime and clean a little more. If I can get her place cleaned out, I may not have to get a job because that rent would cover all my other bills pretty much.

So, yes, I am in a period of transition. I have some hard decisions to make and I do feel somewhat unstable and my anxiety level has risen lately because of this. I’m a worrier. I try really hard not to be, but I am. This is one of the things I have to work on with meditation and such.

apache-blessing

Blessed Be.

Tarot Card of the Day-Judgement

judgement

UPRIGHT JUDGEMENT TAROT CARD MEANINGS

The Judgement card calls for a period of reflection and self-evaluation. Through meditation or quiet reflection, you may come to a point of deep understanding about the common themes throughout your life and what you can do or change to avoid these situations in the future. Judgement tells you that you are close to reaching a significant stage in your own journey.

The Judgement card suggests that you have had a recent epiphany or an ‘awakening’ where you have come to a realisation that you need to live your life in a different way and you need to be true to yourself and your needs. You have opened yourself up to a new possibility – to lead a fulfilling life that serves your higher needs and that offers inspiration and hope to others. You feel as though you have had a ‘calling’ in life, and you are getting much closer to the point where you need to take action. Something that was lying dormant within you, some unconscious knowledge or truth is finally being awakened and brought into the light.

With its theme of awakening to new life, the Judgement card suggests that you have reviewed and evaluated your past experiences and have learned from them. All the pieces of the puzzle of your life are finally coming together to form one, integrated picture of your life story. This integration has healed any deep wounds and you are now in a position to put the past behind you. Your memories no longer haunt you, and you are able to understand and value what has happened to you and what it has taught you about life. Now, you are ready to confront any unfinished business in your life, clear up any misunderstandings and view the future with peace and deep ‘knowingness’ in your heart.

Judgement is about finding absolution. Through a period of self-evaluation, you will feel cleansed of your ‘sins’, wrongdoings and mistakes, and you will finally be released of your guilt and sorrow about the past. This represents a wonderful purging process and will leave you feeling refreshed and ready to take on any new challenges.

The Judgement card often indicates that life-changing decisions are required but unlike those associated with the logical Justice card, these decisions require a delicate blend of intuition and intellect. You may be at a crossroads, aware that any decision that you make will bring about significant change. The choice can be an obvious one, or perhaps the only viable one. You know that this choice must be made and you are facing it with maturity and level-headedness. Your own judgement is impeccable at this time; you can trust it completely and know that you are on the right path. If you still require clarity on the situation, look to your past experiences and life lessons which will guide you on the right path.

If you have endured challenges in recent times, then the Judgement card suggests that you may have some respite from these challenges. In fact, you may find comfort in sharing your experiences with others and healing within a group environment. The key here is that there will be others who have experienced something similar to you and who can show you the way to freedom from your troubles. Let them guide you and help you.

Biddy Tarot

Tarot Card of the Day~Eight of Cups Reversed

eight-of-cups

The reversed Eight of Cups suggests that you may be feeling confused about where your best options lie. Part of you wants to explore new horizons and possibilities but another part of your fears that in doing so, you will miss out on what your current circumstances have to offer.

The Eight of Cups reversed also represents knowing when to walk away from a situation that is ultimately not working for you. Even though there are some fundamental issues that have not been resolved, you know that no matter how hard you try these will probably never be resolved. It hurts you to have to walk away with this lack of closure but you know this is what is needed right now. Sometimes, however, there may be a lack of commitment to walking away, whereby one day you are ready to leave and by the next day you are having doubts and wanting to stay.

The reversed Eight of Cups can reflect hopeless, aimless drifting from one place to the next by someone who cannot stand to be confined to just one setting or someone who never quite fits in. You may fear intimacy and have difficulty making and keeping your commitments. When things become too difficult, you quickly escape and leave behind your troubles, rather than dealing with them head on.

Biddy Tarot

_______________________________________________________________

This is my actual Tarot layout for today. I just did four cards because I’m too tired to go into anything more complicated, but I think it tells me a lot about where I am right now.

0916160820

 

The eight of cups reversed crossed with the six of cups suggesting that I’m adrift and unsure of which direction I could take or that I’m contemplating or actually running from my responsibilities. I think I feel like it’s more that I’m adrift right now. I’ve left something behind that I regret as well, but I knew it was the best thing for me. The six of cups crossed over the eight of cups suggests that I’ve forgotten to take care of my inner child or that I’ve forgotten what makes me really happy or that I’ve forgotten what is really important to me.

The next two cards, however represent a more positive near future. The nine of pentacles suggests that in the near future I will get to relax and enjoy the fruits of my labor. It suggests that my self confidence and self assurance will return. It also suggests that I will be in harmony with nature and know how to bring that into my life to benefit my higher self. The next card, the King of Cups suggests that in the near future, I will be more in control of my emotions, which echoes the previous card in the way that it suggests that my self confidence and assurance will return to me. It’s not that I won’t feel my emotions, but that I will be more in control of them, which is a good thing. I hate to be on an emotional rollercoaster. It suggests that I will have a deeper understanding of my feelings and motivations. One of the things the king of cups represents is compassion, which I feel has been intermittent with me for awhile simply because I’m so focused on my chronic pain and trying to figure out how to deal with it. Maybe this card suggests that I will be able to use my experience to help others in similar situations?

While I do feel adrift right now (there is a retrograde happening right now which does tend to make one feel adrift or out of balance), the cards tell me that my near future is very positive and that I will get some emotional healing and restored compassion, self-assurance and confidence. This is good. I’m looking forward to it.

Tarot Card of the Day: Page of Wands Reversed

page of wands

 

Introduction: The face cards such as the Page, whether reversed or upright, very often indicate a literal person in our lives. In this case, it can indicate a female who is younger than the querent. The reversed Page of Wands implies a level of confusion and indecision. You may be called upon to help someone decide something important.

General: Occasionally the reversed Page of Wands can depict unwelcome news that may be coming soon. This is not usually anything horrendous or dire, just something that you would rather not have happened. More often it indicates a need for focus and decisiveness.

Work: In terms of work, the Page of Wands reversed can show a woman (likely to have hair on the lighter end of the spectrum) who may be causing complications at work because of her indecisiveness. It’s possible that you are standing in your own way through your own difficulty with making a decision. If you are looking for work, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Hiring decisions may also be delayed a little longer.

Love: When the reversed Page of Wands appears in a love context, the focus may be on getting to know each other better, trading stories, etc, rather than on an immediate, serious commitment. You are well advised not to push if you are currently seeing someone but are not yet committed – the time may not yet be right. If you are looking for love, someone may warn you away from a new interest; make up your own mind. Gossip and “warnings” aren’t always true – but usually shouldn’t be completely ignored, either.

Finances: As with the upright meaning of this card, money is very likely to be headed for an upswing when the Page of Wands appears. Someone with financial expertise could come into your life and give you excellent advice. You could also get excellent financial news that you weren’t expecting. When the abundance comes, consider what you can do to share a little of it, if only to keep the “wheel of prosperity” turning.

Health: In terms of health the reversed Page points to people nearby who are ready, willing, and able, to be helpful to you in terms of your health. This can be professionals, or simply an inspirational exercise buddy or friend. Don’t try to do everything on your own. This card shows you’ll get farther being open to the understandings, good influences, and expertise of others.

Spirituality: The Page definitely points to a need to honor and listen to your own intuition. Creativity may go far to enrich your spiritual experiences now. Someone that you already know may have some important spiritual insights to share. Even if you’re usually very private about such things, consider talking to a friend or two about their spiritual “take” or experiences. This can be unbelievably inspirational.

Psychic Revelation

Tarot Card of the Day: Two of Swords (Time To Make a Decision)

two of swords

From my personal diary:

In this card we see a woman standing in a green robe with her hood over her head so that we son’t see much of her face. She holds two swords crossed in front of her. The two swords are identical showing that she has  a balanced mind. She faces a white swan who sits high above her in a very twisty tree. Directly in front of the swan, hanging from the tree branch, is a red heart hanging from a piece of red thread. It seems as though either the swan is offering her heart to the woman or that that is the woman’s heart hanging from the tree and she must get past the swan to retrieve it.

There is another white swan close behind the woman. It is standing on the ground with its face upturned to her and seems to be offering her a flower, but because her back is turned, she doesn’t see this offering. It could be a willful turning away or simply something she does not notice because her attention is focused on what is in front of her.

This woman has a decision to make, but she is currently at an impasse, She either doesn’t want to make the decision, in which case she would be in denial. On the other hand, it could be because she can’t see what is behind her, she may not have all the information she needs to make her decision. The swords represent that her decision must be made using her logic and intellect rather than her intuition and emotion.

At the top of the card, there is a waxing moon (not waning) showing that whatever decision she makes will form a new beginning for her. There is a need for a truce here so that a decision can be made logically and intellectually. This woman needs to realize that she cannot avoid a situation by not making a decision one way or the other. She may be in denial of her emotions about this situation and although this calls for logic and her intellectual gifts,s he would be wise to unblock her emotions and thereby come out of her denial. The Goddess is all around her represented by the two swans, the twisted tree which is flowering and the new moon above, but she cannot see all of this because all of her attention is focused on the stalemate at hand.

The stalemate or impasse may also be her attempt to protect her self from some unknown factor. She needs more information in order to dig deeper so that she can make her decision to find out the truth of the situation. However, this will require a temporary lowering of her swords to do that.

Tarot of the Day: Discussion of the Five of Pentacles and a Bit on Grief

five of pentacles

From my personal diary:

A woman sits with her body curled in on itself and her head rests on her knee. Her face is not visible. She is surrounded by a transparent gray-ish bubble. Directly over her head, and inside the bubble, is a pentacle inside its own bubble.

She sits on the higher of two pedestals. Directly below her grow green and flowering vines which have penetrated her bubble. Directly in front of her, only inches from her outstretched arm, is a colorful butterfly inside its own bubble as well. On the pedestal below her (she sits on the higher one) is a chameleon looking at her as if he/she is expecting something.

The backdrop is a mottled and veiny gray wall. Coming directly from the top of the bubble which surrounds the woman, is a crack in the wall which is basically straight.  There is one wobbly part (almost as if it wasn’t sure of itself), but then it continues on straight to the top of the card. I also find it interesting that the crack in he wall comes directly out of the bubble that surrounds the woman. As if, in creating this bubble for herself, the energies she has created have affected the wall itself and caused it to crack.

To the left of the crack int he wall and in the top left corner we see a brightly colored and intricately designed stained glass window or painting. It is in the form of a circle with four pentacles inside and the pentacles themselves are inside their own circles. The colors inside the window or painting are basically green, purple, lavender, yellow, gold, white and gray. At the bottom of this circle, in the midst of a slash of bright yellow is a red heart, which is interestingly almost the same color as the butterfly

It seems to me that the main themes of this card are pentacles and circles. I know that when I get ready to cast a spell, I cast a circle to protect myself and I know also that the pentacles inside of a circle is a powerful symbol of protection as well. However, this is juxtaposed with the figure of the lone woman curled in on herself and since we cannot see her face, we have to assume that she also can’t see what is around her. However, the vines that are growing up from the Earth have penetrated her bubble and seem to be either touching her or moving into her. I can only think that this is the Goddess (higher power, Oneness…) attempting to ground her as she may be confused about something.

The woman seems very alone within her bubble. Almost as if she has protected herself so much and so well that she has pushed every other thing away. I know that within the Tarot, the sign of the Pentacle represents money or work. So, she has either lost money or lost work. Either way it’s a financial hardship and she has isolated herself within her bubble in her grief and sadness. She also could be experiencing emotional loss of something he has worked for.

The butterfly that hovers within its own bubble just out of her reach seems to symbolize beauty, hope, change, and/or metamorphosis. She would only have to lift her head a fraction of an inch to see it and reach out with the smallest of movements to pop the bubble surrounding the butterfly, thereby accessing its power for metamorphosis. However, at this point, she seems to be immobilized in her sadness.

I can’t help but think that if she would only move that the bubbles around her would pop and she could let in whatever pain or loss she has protected herself from. She seems to be stuck in a position where she feels sadness and/or grief, but is not letting it in wholly. It seems that if she did let it all the way in, she could finally deal with it and look up to see the beauty and hope around her. She could see that her heart is not in fact cracked in two, but whole, as is shown in the circle in the top left corner of the card.

I also think that the abundance of pentacles in the top left corner circle represent future work and financial successes if she could only come out of her bubble and recognize her own potential. This is a woman who has isolated herself with sadness and possibly self-esteem issues regarding her potential for success. She has experienced hardship and rejection and has decided that even though she is miserable that it is safer inside her bubble that outside of it. The problem with this, however, is that there is so much beauty and hope within inches of her reach if she would only move. If she would just move.

If anyone has anything else to add to this discussion, I would be more than happy to read it.

On a personal note, I pulled this card for myself yesterday when I was feeling particularly sad ( I deal with chronic depression.) and I was missing my mother terribly who died this past October suddenly of several heart attacks. It’s weird to contemplate that at my age and now with a child of my own, that I have no parents. I’m an adult orphan. It’s a weird concept to consider. I am feeling very alone at this time since I am in a new town and have yet to make any real friends. This is partly my fault since I tend to isolate myself and I have some health issues that prevent me from doing everything I would like to do socially. I am like the woman in the bubble who can’t see the beauty and hope for change beyond her own immediate surroundings. If I can only just move outside myself. I keep telling myself that. Just move. Just look around you. Let down your walls and experience life. It’s painful sometimes, but sometimes it’s joyful and hopeful. This is the thought I cling to.

I am also discovering that the grief I am experiencing from the death of my mother isn’t something that I can ever “get over” or “move through”. It has changed me irrevocably. I have to wake up each day with my first thought being, “I need to call my mom,” and then thinking to myself, “Shit, I can’t call her. She’s dead.” I found this floating around on the internet and it helped me so I thought I would share it with you all in the hopes that it may help someone else as well.

death is nothing at all

This was written by  Henry Scott Holland (27 January 1847 – 17 March 1918) was Regius Professor of Divinity at the University of Oxford.