On Managing Emotions and Why I Did Not Participate in the Hexing/Binding Ritual Against Donald Trump

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Regarding managing emotions, I count myself among many other people who struggle with this particular part of life. I had a graphic that I was going to post, but it seems as though it has gone missing along with so many other things I can’t seem to find in my house when I need them.

Anyway, the graphic goes something like this: As human beings we are vessels filled with all kinds of emotions, which is a good thing, in my humble opinion. It is the way we express our emotions and whether or not they are appropriate at the time/place we express them is the issue of the graphic.

An example: A parent with a 5-year-old child attempts to reason with their child about an action they have taken which the parent considers to be wrong (dragging the cat by one leg across the floor or by the tail; shouting at parent or other children; hitting or otherwise hurting another child are some examples of this). Of course, the child will be automatically on the defensive when/if the parent confronts the child about this behavior. The parent, in this instance has to choose what kind of emotion to display to their child: outright anger, which may lead to punitive punishment(s) or patience and calmness leading to a dialogue with the child which is done on their level of understanding so that the child understands that whatever action they have done was wrong and ways to figure out how to not make that mistake again. A parent may think that when this dialogue is done that their child understands and that the issue is done and that the child won’t make that same mistake again, however, that parent would be wrong. Studies have shown that the frontal lobe of the brain, which is the place where impulsiveness and understanding of the consequences of our actions live, does not fully mature until the mid- 20s. Here is a link to an MIT article explaining how this works. If and/or when the child repeats the same mistake over and over again can make the parent extremely frustrated and angry and this anger my overtake any previous ideas of speaking calmly with their child. The parent may resort to outright punishment (this may include time outs, spankings, or escalations of any kind of violence towards the child). (My belief is that any kind of violence towards a child, even spanking, is sort of a “gateway” to more and more mistreatment of the child. This is why I choose not to spank. I used to use time-outs, but that just fostered emotional distance between myself and my child. So, now, we use “time-ins” where we both sit quietly for about 5 minutes and talk about what we are feeling and what we can do that can further a healthy relationship between ourselves. Also, we discuss what behavior is inappropriate and what is appropriate depending on the circumstance. Always remembering to speak to my child in way that she can understand. Otherwise, I’m just speaking into the air, which provides further frustration for me and my child.)

Before any violence or yelling takes place towards the child (or any other person an individual may be having problems with), it behooves the person who is trying to manage their emotions in a healthy way to stop and take a breath or even walk away for a few minutes to try to get some perspective on what is really happening instead of having a knee-jerk emotional reaction. I’m not saying that emotions are bad. We were given emotions for a reason and in the right time and place,displaying one’s emotions is great and appropriate. For instance: I can’t watch two people get married, whether is man/woman, man/man, woman/woman or any other kind of marriage without tearing up a little or outright crying. It’s not that I’m sad. I just feel so happy at weddings and that is the way my emotion at that time is displayed and I feel that this is appropriate as long as I don’t go into some kind of loud wailing or do something else to take attention off the wedding and onto myself. That would be totally inappropriate.

Mostly the emotion I’m speaking of here is anger, but this can also be applied to thoughts which take us down the spiral into depression. When I worked in a Christian street ministry and taught bible study, I referred to this as “taking every thought captive to the obedience of the Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5) Even though, at that time, I used this method in a bible study setting it does apply to every day life even if one does not espouse the Christian faith. When a thought comes along about my past, for instance, I can choose to either entertain that thought or cast it aside and opt for a more positive and/or more healthy thought pattern. Sometimes we choose to wallow in depression. I can’t say that I haven’t done this. I have. I tend to have the most trouble with this at night after my daughter has fallen asleep. Since I don’t have anything to distract me, it’s easier for those damaging thoughts to creep in. Again, the challenge here is to choose which thoughts to entertain. This can be a very hard process and it takes some time for a person to recognize certain thoughts as damaging and/or unhealthy before that person can begin to stop the cycle and take hold of their thoughts and choose to move toward a healthier place mentally and emotionally.

I am challenged with this on a daily basis several times a day. It so happens that my biggest challenges are dealing with anger, depression and anxiety. I want to model healthy behavior for my daughter, but am not always successful. So when I am not, I have made it a priority to try to explain to her, in a way that she can understand, that I am sorry for my bad/inappropriate behavior and that I will do my best to get better.

I don’t think I’m alone in struggling with this. In my humble opinion, managing one’s emotions is one of the things our society as a whole is seriously lacking. We don’t have very many models to go by. In our culture of instant gratification, if we (as a collective) perceive that we are not getting what we want we tend to lose our collective shit and jump right over the fence into proverbial left field.

This brings me to Donald Trump. This person is not a good model for managing emotions. He displays such a lack of emotional control that he can seem to be petty and childish at times. I don’t watch him speak very often as I try to stay away from the “news” because it depresses me, but seriously, my five-year-old has better control of her emotional outbursts.  I’m not going to get into Trump-bashing, but suffice it to say: I did not vote for him.

A few days ago, on February 4th to be exact, there was a call for all witches or anyone who practices the magickal arts to perform a hexing and/or a binding on Donald Trump. I did not participate in that and here’s why.

  1. I subscribe to the belief of the universal law of “3 x 3”. Meaning, whatever energy you put out you get back times three, be it positive or negative. I don’t believe in “black” or “white” or “gray” magick. I believe it is the intent of the person performing whatever spell or ritual is done that makes it either dark, light or gray. Everyone has some darkness, some light and some gray areas. So again: intent is what matters here. If I had done a hexing or binding on Donald Trump, I would have invited that energy to come back and basically punch me in the face. Hard.
  2. I recently learned, after performing many binding spells, that whatever you bind is bound to you. A few years ago, out of desperation and fear for my life, I performed a binding ritual with a mirror or “bounce back” effect in it. Meaning that I bound the person from hurting me or my child and should that person attempt any harm towards me or my child that all the energy that was put into those actions or thoughts would, in effect, “bounce back” on that person. It’s sort of like a hex, but not overtly so because it all depends on how much negative energy that person puts out towards the caster of the binding spell. Now, after about 4 years, I realize that this person hardly ever leaves my thoughts. The hard part is that I do not want to think about this person, because I don’t want to draw that person’s thoughts towards me or my child. After some serious meditation on this issue and doing some research, I realized that as long as I keep this person bound with the spell, this person is bound to me because of the spell I did. I think it goes without saying that I do not, in any way, wish to bound in any sort of fashion (spiritual or otherwise) to Donald Trump. So, I left that alone.
  3. Whether for good or ill, Donald Trump is our president now. I believe that if he wasn’t meant to be in that position for some reason or other, that he would not be there. I don’t believe in coincidences or “luck”. I believe everything happens (or doesn’t happen) for a reason. I may not always understand that reason, but I don’t want to mess with what the universe has planned for Donald Trump. Also, and this may sound like it came directly from my mother, I believe that very soon he will have enough rope to metaphorically hang himself. I prefer to let him make his own messes and lie in his own bed rather than call on the spirits to do it for him. Again, I don’t want that energy to come back at me. I’m not judging anyone who participated. I think people, in general, should have the freedom to follow their beliefs. I follow mine. You follow yours. Live and let live.
  4. Finally, I don’t wish Donald Trump or his family any harm. I will, however, stock up on popcorn in anticipation of the day he makes his bed and then has to lay in it.

Orbs and Spirits

My 5-year-old daughter woke this morning talking a mile a minute about the spirits she was seeing: one green one pink/red. The green one she said was a man with brown hair and glasses and the pink/red one was a lady with long, black curly hair. I couldn’t figure it out for a few hours and then I had a strong urge to look up something about “seeing spirits and colors”.

I came across this website:http://paranormal.lovetoknow.com/Ghost_Orbs_Different_Colors
The Different Colors of Ghost Orbs and Their Meanings
Includes: • About orbs • Ghost orb colors and what they mean • Use ghost orb information carefully
PARANORMAL.LOVETOKNOW.COM

When I got to reading about the orbs and the colors and what they mean, it hit me like a ton of bricks right in my heart that she had just seen the spirits of my parents. I broke down completely. I lost my parents within three years of each other. It’s been really hard on me.

My daughter told me that one spirit was green, male, with glasses and brown hair. The other was pink/red and was lady with long black curly hair. After I composed myself a bit, I showed her some photos of my parents when they were younger and asked her if that was what she saw. She confirmed that this was what she saw in the orbs. Again, I broke down. Not from sadness, but from amazement, happiness and gratefulness. I miss my parents so much and to know that they are here is well…amazing and wonderful.

I am so humbled, grateful, happy, amazed, overwhelmed….I’m so glad that they are here watching over us. It was told to me by both a clairvoyant and a Druid High Priestess that my daughter would grow into some amazing gifts. I suppose this is only the first manifestation. Wow. Just wow.

I myself can’t see spirits, but I can feel them sometimes. All I can say at this point is that my daughter is amazing and that I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this blessing. I’ve had two blessings in the past two weeks. Unreal.

P.S. I have never heard of someone being able to see orbs with the naked eye. Usually you have to use a flash camera to see them.

Tarot Card of the Day~Four of Wands-Reversed

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REVERSED FOUR OF WANDS TAROT CARD MEANINGS

The Four of Wands reversed suggests there is a lack of harmony or a breakdown in communication in your family or home. There may be tension between family members or loved ones and you are finding yourself getting caught up in other people’s concerns and relationship problems. This may leave you feeling uncertain about your own relationships and what you can and cannot depend on. You may also be going through a period of transition in your family and home life and feeling some tension as a result.

Similarly, you may find your home situation becomes increasingly unstable. There may be an external threat to the peace and happiness you once had in your home. You may be placed into a temporary situation which appeases your immediate concerns but does not yet solve the longer-term issues. Depending on your living arrangements, it may be better to move home for the time being to allow things to settle.

Given the upright Four of Wands reflects stability, the reversal of this card can indicate that you are going through a period of transition where there is little stability and security. You may be experiencing multiple changes in your life, such as changing jobs, moving house and/or leaving a relationship. While you know that this is an important transition that you need to make, it can be quite unsettling, leaving you feeling out of balance and uncertain about your future.

In a relationship reading, the Four of Wands reversed reflects someone who may not be looking for a particularly long-term relationship but is willing to invest in it for the time being. There is a lack of commitment, or even a fear of commitment, which is preventing them from wanting a long-term relationship.

Biddy Tarot

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This one hits me right in my anxiety today. I haven’t been working for the last year because I’m pretty disabled, but when I applied for disability (the case went all the way to a judge) I was denied because I have too much education. It’s like you can’t be smart to be disabled, which implies covertly that only the ignorant can be disabled and be compensated for it. That is weird.

Anyway, I have realized for some time that I’m going to have to get a job, but the one thing that is holding me back is that I know literally no one in this town that would be able to watch my daughter while I worked. I’m so picky about who stays with her while I’m gone. I mean you have to be, right? Her safety is paramount.

I also have the land that my mother left me when she died, which includes one renter. His rent pays for my car payment, but I need other incoming money as well. I have only that money coming in and everything else going out for other bills. There is also the house she lived in on that land. I want to rent that out as well, but I have to clean it out first. My mom was right on the border of being a hoarder so there’s a lot to do still and I’ve been working on it for the last year a little at a time as my pain level will allow. I didn’t do any this summer because I’ve had the electric turned off. I can’t afford to pay two electric bills. However, now that it’s getting cooler, I may be able to go over there in the daytime and clean a little more. If I can get her place cleaned out, I may not have to get a job because that rent would cover all my other bills pretty much.

So, yes, I am in a period of transition. I have some hard decisions to make and I do feel somewhat unstable and my anxiety level has risen lately because of this. I’m a worrier. I try really hard not to be, but I am. This is one of the things I have to work on with meditation and such.

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Blessed Be.

The Goddess Kali and a Vision

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I woke from an amazing vision this morning. The goddess Kali has given me a vision of what my life will be like in the future if I continue on this path of improving my physical health along with still exploring and learning about myself via my spirituality. It was an amazing, light filled and golden experience. I can’t explain the feeling. The reason I know that Kali gave it to me is because in my vision, I saw myself on the porch of my house at sunrise doing a sun salutation (yoga) and when I raised my arms, I saw a tattoo of her on my back and when I raised my arms it was like my arms and my body became part of her and we were both just sitting in the vastness and amazing golden morning. I felt my heart was filled with light and laughter and my pain was completely gone. I was really happy for the first time in my life and I knew that my happiness and contentment didn’t rely on anyone else but me and that gave me a feeling of wonderful power over myself that I’ve never really known. I think she gave me this as an encouragement to keep going the way I have started. She is letting me know that I’m on the right path. Blessed Kali never fails to answer me or help me when I need her. Thank you blessed Mother, beautiful Creator and wondrous Goddess. I am in awe of you.

Change

The whole universe (including our personal lives) are continuously in a state of change. If there is no change, we will stagnate and die (physically, mentally, emotionally and/or metaphorically). Expect change and try to roll with it instead of fighting it.

Personally, I don’t like change. It screws up my sense of what is up and what is down. I tend to get all twisted up inside when changes come and I tend to fight them. I’m learning to be less anxious and to let go more through my meditations. Pretty much all of my life change has equaled “something bad”, but that isn’t necessarily correct. Sometimes, change can be good. It can get me out of my ruts, which I have a tendency to fall into. I’m also learning and relearning that I have to let go of trying to control everything. I have learned that this is a form of insecurity which manifests itself in the blockage of the 3rd chakra (or the navel area). When I meditate to align my chakras, this is one place I get stuck. I guess I’m still using old coping mechanisms that served me well in my childhood (which was super topsy turvy and traumatic), but no longer serve me anymore. I create for myself more emotional and mental stress by trying to put everyone and everything where I think it/they should be, when I could just let go and let everything and everyone fall into their own places like the Source energy directs or a person’s karma dictates.

I realized a few weeks ago that I was falling into sort of a healing trap where I was trying so hard to heal from past traumas, but every time I tried to heal this reinforced the trauma on my inner child. So, I had to go into some serious meditation and find my core personality and just love on her the way I wish my parents had loved on me. These visualizations combined with healing meditations have seemed to break me out of that “healing trap”. This is only one of many reasons that change can be good.

Tarot Card of the Day~Eight of Cups Reversed

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The reversed Eight of Cups suggests that you may be feeling confused about where your best options lie. Part of you wants to explore new horizons and possibilities but another part of your fears that in doing so, you will miss out on what your current circumstances have to offer.

The Eight of Cups reversed also represents knowing when to walk away from a situation that is ultimately not working for you. Even though there are some fundamental issues that have not been resolved, you know that no matter how hard you try these will probably never be resolved. It hurts you to have to walk away with this lack of closure but you know this is what is needed right now. Sometimes, however, there may be a lack of commitment to walking away, whereby one day you are ready to leave and by the next day you are having doubts and wanting to stay.

The reversed Eight of Cups can reflect hopeless, aimless drifting from one place to the next by someone who cannot stand to be confined to just one setting or someone who never quite fits in. You may fear intimacy and have difficulty making and keeping your commitments. When things become too difficult, you quickly escape and leave behind your troubles, rather than dealing with them head on.

Biddy Tarot

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This is my actual Tarot layout for today. I just did four cards because I’m too tired to go into anything more complicated, but I think it tells me a lot about where I am right now.

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The eight of cups reversed crossed with the six of cups suggesting that I’m adrift and unsure of which direction I could take or that I’m contemplating or actually running from my responsibilities. I think I feel like it’s more that I’m adrift right now. I’ve left something behind that I regret as well, but I knew it was the best thing for me. The six of cups crossed over the eight of cups suggests that I’ve forgotten to take care of my inner child or that I’ve forgotten what makes me really happy or that I’ve forgotten what is really important to me.

The next two cards, however represent a more positive near future. The nine of pentacles suggests that in the near future I will get to relax and enjoy the fruits of my labor. It suggests that my self confidence and self assurance will return. It also suggests that I will be in harmony with nature and know how to bring that into my life to benefit my higher self. The next card, the King of Cups suggests that in the near future, I will be more in control of my emotions, which echoes the previous card in the way that it suggests that my self confidence and assurance will return to me. It’s not that I won’t feel my emotions, but that I will be more in control of them, which is a good thing. I hate to be on an emotional rollercoaster. It suggests that I will have a deeper understanding of my feelings and motivations. One of the things the king of cups represents is compassion, which I feel has been intermittent with me for awhile simply because I’m so focused on my chronic pain and trying to figure out how to deal with it. Maybe this card suggests that I will be able to use my experience to help others in similar situations?

While I do feel adrift right now (there is a retrograde happening right now which does tend to make one feel adrift or out of balance), the cards tell me that my near future is very positive and that I will get some emotional healing and restored compassion, self-assurance and confidence. This is good. I’m looking forward to it.