From my personal diary:
A woman sits with her body curled in on itself and her head rests on her knee. Her face is not visible. She is surrounded by a transparent gray-ish bubble. Directly over her head, and inside the bubble, is a pentacle inside its own bubble.
She sits on the higher of two pedestals. Directly below her grow green and flowering vines which have penetrated her bubble. Directly in front of her, only inches from her outstretched arm, is a colorful butterfly inside its own bubble as well. On the pedestal below her (she sits on the higher one) is a chameleon looking at her as if he/she is expecting something.
The backdrop is a mottled and veiny gray wall. Coming directly from the top of the bubble which surrounds the woman, is a crack in the wall which is basically straight. There is one wobbly part (almost as if it wasn’t sure of itself), but then it continues on straight to the top of the card. I also find it interesting that the crack in he wall comes directly out of the bubble that surrounds the woman. As if, in creating this bubble for herself, the energies she has created have affected the wall itself and caused it to crack.
To the left of the crack int he wall and in the top left corner we see a brightly colored and intricately designed stained glass window or painting. It is in the form of a circle with four pentacles inside and the pentacles themselves are inside their own circles. The colors inside the window or painting are basically green, purple, lavender, yellow, gold, white and gray. At the bottom of this circle, in the midst of a slash of bright yellow is a red heart, which is interestingly almost the same color as the butterfly
It seems to me that the main themes of this card are pentacles and circles. I know that when I get ready to cast a spell, I cast a circle to protect myself and I know also that the pentacles inside of a circle is a powerful symbol of protection as well. However, this is juxtaposed with the figure of the lone woman curled in on herself and since we cannot see her face, we have to assume that she also can’t see what is around her. However, the vines that are growing up from the Earth have penetrated her bubble and seem to be either touching her or moving into her. I can only think that this is the Goddess (higher power, Oneness…) attempting to ground her as she may be confused about something.
The woman seems very alone within her bubble. Almost as if she has protected herself so much and so well that she has pushed every other thing away. I know that within the Tarot, the sign of the Pentacle represents money or work. So, she has either lost money or lost work. Either way it’s a financial hardship and she has isolated herself within her bubble in her grief and sadness. She also could be experiencing emotional loss of something he has worked for.
The butterfly that hovers within its own bubble just out of her reach seems to symbolize beauty, hope, change, and/or metamorphosis. She would only have to lift her head a fraction of an inch to see it and reach out with the smallest of movements to pop the bubble surrounding the butterfly, thereby accessing its power for metamorphosis. However, at this point, she seems to be immobilized in her sadness.
I can’t help but think that if she would only move that the bubbles around her would pop and she could let in whatever pain or loss she has protected herself from. She seems to be stuck in a position where she feels sadness and/or grief, but is not letting it in wholly. It seems that if she did let it all the way in, she could finally deal with it and look up to see the beauty and hope around her. She could see that her heart is not in fact cracked in two, but whole, as is shown in the circle in the top left corner of the card.
I also think that the abundance of pentacles in the top left corner circle represent future work and financial successes if she could only come out of her bubble and recognize her own potential. This is a woman who has isolated herself with sadness and possibly self-esteem issues regarding her potential for success. She has experienced hardship and rejection and has decided that even though she is miserable that it is safer inside her bubble that outside of it. The problem with this, however, is that there is so much beauty and hope within inches of her reach if she would only move. If she would just move.
If anyone has anything else to add to this discussion, I would be more than happy to read it.
On a personal note, I pulled this card for myself yesterday when I was feeling particularly sad ( I deal with chronic depression.) and I was missing my mother terribly who died this past October suddenly of several heart attacks. It’s weird to contemplate that at my age and now with a child of my own, that I have no parents. I’m an adult orphan. It’s a weird concept to consider. I am feeling very alone at this time since I am in a new town and have yet to make any real friends. This is partly my fault since I tend to isolate myself and I have some health issues that prevent me from doing everything I would like to do socially. I am like the woman in the bubble who can’t see the beauty and hope for change beyond her own immediate surroundings. If I can only just move outside myself. I keep telling myself that. Just move. Just look around you. Let down your walls and experience life. It’s painful sometimes, but sometimes it’s joyful and hopeful. This is the thought I cling to.
I am also discovering that the grief I am experiencing from the death of my mother isn’t something that I can ever “get over” or “move through”. It has changed me irrevocably. I have to wake up each day with my first thought being, “I need to call my mom,” and then thinking to myself, “Shit, I can’t call her. She’s dead.” I found this floating around on the internet and it helped me so I thought I would share it with you all in the hopes that it may help someone else as well.
This was written by Henry Scott Holland (27 January 1847 – 17 March 1918) was Regius Professor of Divinity at the University of Oxford.