Getting Through The Dark Night of the Soul

The dark night of the soul is a process many spiritual seekers go through at some point in their lives, I being one of them.  The dark night is not mentioned that much in spiritual texts and teachings.   A lot of the times, we are being told to be happy, raise your vibration, look to the light, but none of this will be lasting until you have loved the dark.

The dark night of the soul is an overall beautiful experience where a person’s ego/false self is “dying” to their true Self which is LOVE or in other words one is realizing the ego self is false and never really existed.

This process can occur at any point in one’s life, but it usually emerges after a spiritual seeker has attained a lot of spiritual knowledge or growth.  This is because the ego is now being called out for what it is and it tightens its grips on you to hide you from the light that you are.

Even though this is a very beautiful and sacred process, it can be perceived at the time as very difficult.  Especially when you are in the thick of the fog.  This is why it is called the dark night of the soul (it may feel like a dark century of the soul to some… lol).  Dark Night of the Soul

You feel as if you are stuck in the dark with no hope of seeing the light again.  You already feel totally alone due to this process, and on top of that it is not talked about often in spiritual texts.   This is because a lot of us look for the light only and try to run away from the dark, not realizing that the dark will only grow larger the more you ignore it.

Many think they have done something wrong when the symptoms of the Dark Night appear.  Especially if they just went through so much perceived spiritual growth.  This is furthest from the truth!  When you find yourself in the Dark Night show gratitude because you are going through a sort of rites of passage or a spiritual detox.  The pain you feel is the pain you have tried to suppress for years, decades, and even lifetimes.  It is now finally bubbling up to the surface to be healed with the love you give it.  Even though it seems painful to face this pain, you should feel honored that this pain is finally flowing out of you.  We don’t even realize the heavy baggage that we Dark Night of the Soulhave held onto for so long.

For whatever reason, you are in a position right NOW where it is inevitable to heal your pain, suffering, and feelings of separation from source.  This pain is not personal pain, even though it definitely feels like it when you are in the Dark Night!  Since our ego selves do not really exist, this pain is only a feeling we attach stories to.  This pain you feel is collective and felt through-out the world.  We feel this due to our belief that we are separate entities, cut off from Source.  When you accept and heal this pain, you heal the world’s suffering automatically!

When you are in a Dark Night, you feel as if you are in a depression.  Though you are in a “spiritual depression,” this is different from clinical depression because the symptoms do not come about due to a certain external situation.  You are not depressed because of someone or something, it just naturally emerged.  You feel miserable to say the least and you don’t know why.  You try everything to break yourself out of it and NOTHING works.  The more you try to get out of the Dark Night, the Dark Night of the Soulmore it will persist.

All types of emotions you have tried to suppress for so long,  haunt you day in and day out: guilt, shame, frustration, helplessness, anger, sadness, self-pity, loneliness.  These emotions are trying to get your attention, but we keep ignoring and resisting them.  Think of these emotions as a child that only wants your love.  They are trying to get your attention until you finally face them and accept them for what they are-emotions.  They are not YOUR emotions, they are just feelings in the body that we tie a story to.

During the Dark Night you feel totally alone.  You don’t know many, if any, people that have gone through this or are currently going through it.  You don’t feel like being bothered with loved ones and friends that don’t understand because they either think you are crazy and need help or their own fears arise about it and make matters even worse.   If you could snap out of it you would, but you barely have any energy or even many interests anymore.  All your energy is going to the ego through resisting the inevitable or trying to protect the false self.  Things that don’t serve you anymore.

You feel totally stuck!  The funny thing is, you truly want to be stuck or you wouldn’t be in the Dark Night anymore.  This was a realization I had during the Dark Night.   On one end you are miserable and suffering, but on the other end you know that to leave from this Dark Night, you have to let go of this Dark Night of the Soulsuffering and allow this change to occur.  And this is one of your deepest fears!  Your ego self is deathly afraid of finally coming out of existed.  Even with all the suffering I felt during the Dark Night, I still did not want to let go of it.  If I did, this meant my identification as the ego would drop and what then?  The fear of losing control that I never truly had and fear of the unknown kept me stuck in a very uncomfortable spot!

Sometimes the external circumstances during the Dark Night can get so uncomfortable and overwhelming that it pins you into a spot where the only way to get out is to surrender.  There is no way that the little personal self can “fix” these circumstances anymore and you need to allow life to work through you.  At the time you are so frustrated with this situation, but when you remember the big picture, this is definitely a blessing!

The reason why we find ourselves in a Dark Night is because we are learning trust, acceptance, love, and surrender.  This is our true nature, and the ego knows this and puts up a fight.  A very strong fight!   The ego is unwilling to give up its control and fearfulness and this is perfectly normal because this is ego’s nature.  When you see it as ego’s nature and not your nature and that it is inevitable, it gives you the power to ALLOW.

Dark Night of the SoulNow to get out of the Dark Night, it is up to you.  How fast you pass through this depends on how willing you are to let go of your addictions.  The tighter the ego’s grip, the longer it will take.   This was me!

We are addicted to suffering and attaching to pain because we love to fight ourselves.  We are in a constant battle with our ego.  This battle is what keeps the ego alive.  So we then believe we have an identity.  Without this battle we don’t know what we would be.  We fear this unknown territory and being vulnerable to this.  But this vulnerability and unknown territority is LOVE.  This is our true nature.

We are human BEINGS and this means that we are always seeking the Being or LOVE to fill this void we feel as humans since humans are seekers.  So the Catch 22 is that we fear the one thing we want more than anything.  These are all the reasons why one would find themselves in a Dark Night.

The first step of getting out of this process is to realize that this is a natural and inevitable process for you to go through since you are in it right now.  Once you realize you are in a Dark Night, you will realize nothing is wrong with you and you can start to step out of the way and let this spiritual Dark Night of the Souldetox work through and for you.

When we are in the Dark Night, we want to get out of it so much because we cannot take the pain and suffering, but when you realize that you are in it because your soul truly wants to be in it and that you can let go at any time, you can accept this process as inevitable.  This will speed up your process because you are embracing it and not resisting it anymore.

The next step is to do NOTHING.  Now, this may seem simple, but coming from an ego’s point of view this is impossible and symbolizes “death” for the ego.  The ego will make so much noise telling you lies and trying to get you to worry and be fearful or to “control,” but you are not these thoughts or feelings.   You are far greater since you are aware of these thoughts and feelings.  You are LOVE or Awareness itself.  So when  these thoughts come up, simply watch them or if a feeling comes up, simply feel it.  Love and embrace every thought, feeling, and situation you are trying to resist.  Acknowledge when you are resisting something.  Just be aware of it and feel how it feels in your body when you resist.  Tight and compacted right?

So doing NOTHING in this context means to simply BE.  Be the LOVE and awareness that you naturally are.   The Dark Night seems very miserable because we are resisting so much.  The ego’s fearful grip is so strong at this point because it wants to stay “alive.”  We have forgotten that we are LOVE and if we are LOVE, we embrace everything because we realize the inevitability of doing so Dark Night of the Souland because we know that nothing can harm us.  Nothing can touch you.  Nothing can shake you.  The light that you are shines on anything so that it would turn it to its natural state of light also.  We are all ONE.

Since all we have is NOW, you won’t get out of the Dark Night tomorrow, you will only get out of it NOW!  The key to getting out of it is…LOVING- the only reason we are on Earth.  The great thing is, just like our egos, the Dark Night is an illusion.  We have always been HOME and we have been the LIGHT the whole time that we were looking for it in the Dark Night.  Of course we have been the LIGHT, how else would we have been aware of the dark?  If we were dark too, we wouldn’t be able to observe the dark.

Take this beautiful time to finally face and embrace the dark once and for all.  Let the light of LOVE shine on it and dissolve it.  You are awakened NOW.  You are LOVE NOW.  There is no other way it could be.  Anything else is merely a dream!  The more you resist the Dark Night or the “stuck” place you are in, the more you keep repeating the lessons you need to learn.  Accept and embrace where you are NOW.  Embrace this pain and suffering.

Know that you are helpless in this process and surrender to LOVE.  Use your pain as the catalyst for a great transformation and rebirth.  Any transformation in life has had to go through some pain right before.  Birth is most painful right before coming out of the birth canal.  Caterpillars, snakes, and crabs are a few animals that go through a transformation where the old self  ”dies” to the new self.   Be like the phoenix and rise above the ashes of your old false self  just by Being the LOVE that you are! Life is all about cycles.  NOTHING lasts forever.  View this process as a rites of passage for a remarkable rebirth.  You will finally be free from the baggage you have clung onto for so long through resistance.

Just like Spring always comes after Winter, you will see the light!   Just like dawn always comes after the darkest hour, you will see the light!  Just like the sun is always there behind the clouds, your light is always illuminating your way through the Dark Night.  Trust in this process and know that it is just that-a process.  This too shall pass.

The Dark Night of the Soul


Daily Card Draw: Queen of Pentacles



The Queen of Pentacles is the quintessential mother figure. She yearns to nurture and care for others. She has an inner source of strength and warmth that everyone can feel and that draws them to her. So many people in this world are hurting and need a nurturing and caring person in their life. I am finding that as I move forward in my spiritual growth that my heart gets ever more soft and yielding toward people who are hurting. Not that I’m perfect, mind you. I’m far from it. The other night when I was coming out of the grocery store with my daughter, a man passed me by and told me that he had left his wallet at home and asked me for enough money to get a gallon of gas so that he could get home. I gave him five dollars. It’s not much, but this is the first time I have ever given money to a stranger who asked for it. When I got home, I realized all the ways that that could have gone wrong. I am trying to get past my fear to help people. I have operated from a place of fear for so long that it is very hard to get past it. I am hoping to find the middle place between sensible fear and irrational fear.

Love and Light!

Spiritual Gifts and Growth

1966898_10152226820236416_2091841207_nThis is the companion book to the tarot deck i bought the other day. I’ve been handling it and practicing a lot.  It feels very good to my spirit and I’m kicking myself for having not taken it up years ago when I had my Arthurian tarot deck. Due to my hardcore fundamentalist Christian beliefs, however, I believed that reading the tarot cards and the cards themselves were of the Devil. I know that seems foolish. It does to me, but there is no accounting for what someone believes. I do believe that all beliefs should be respected as well as the person. Everyone is in their own spiritual journey and their place in it should be respected. We are not merely this skin and bones which hold us together. I believe that inside us is the fire of our spirit which animates our body and actually makes us who we are. I believe that we are not fleshy beings on a spiritual journey. I believe we are spiritual beings trying to learn how to cope with a fleshly journey. After all, we are made in God’s image and God is spirit as evidenced by Jesus’ birth. As a part of God, he was pure spirit but humbled himself to be confined to a fleshly body. I don’t believe that we can be gods, but I do believe that we can stoke the fires of our individual spirits so that we can mature emotionally, spiritually and mentally.

In the same vein, yesterday I bought two rings: one a black onyx for grounding and protection and the other a rainbow moonstone for positive protection and auric cleansing. I participated in a lead energy session the other night with some friends and was amazed at the results of it.  Afterwards I saw auras around everything in my house. Later on that night, I looked at my own aura and it had expanded quite a bit and was significantly stronger and brighter than it had been.

I am sensing that my spiritual gifts have always been there for me to tap into, but I was either too scared to do it or believed them not to be of God or both. I feel that a doorway has opened and I have stepped through into a room that is golden with opportunity for spiritual growth. I am happy and, for this moment, know that I am on the right path.

Merry Part and Blessings Be!

Prayer For A Child and Renouncing of Generational Demonic Strongholds

I have been woefully neglecting warfare praying over my daughter. I do pray over her, but not specifically doctrinal warfare praying. I included this prayer in my daily warfare prayers today:

Prayer Over Your Child

In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I praise my heavenly Father that He has entrusted me with my child  <name of child>. I accept all responsibility that God places upon me to be a parent and a priest/priestess of God in  <name of child>’s life. As a priest/priestess of God in my child’s life, and purchased by the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, I here and now renounce and repudiate all the sins of   <name of child>’s  blood ancestors. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I cancel out ll demonic working that would want to be passed on to   <name of child>  from his/her blood ancestors. I aggressively announce against Satan and all of his forces that I cover   <name of child>  with the protection of the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ and the work of the Holy Spirit. As one who has authority over all powers of darkness through my union with the lord Jesus Christ, and since I am seated with Him in heavenly places, I renounce any and every way in which Satan may claim ownership of   <name of child> . I pull down all blindness which Satan would put on  <name of child>’s eyes to keep him/her from understanding spiritual truth and growing to love and serve my Lord and Savior. As the legal parent in the eyes of God and as a priest/priestess of God in  <name of child>’s  life, I completely sign him/her over to the keeping and saving power of the Lord Jesus Christ. As the priest/priestess of God in  <name of child>’s  life, I cancel and take back all ground given to Satan by his/her ancestors. I claim that ground through the victory over Satan achieved by the Lord Jesus Christ in His redemptive work and cover all ground with His precious blood that Satan may have no claim over  <name of child> . All of this I do in the name and authority of the Lord Jesus Christ and will accept in my child’s life only that which comes by way of the cross and through God’s grace. Amen.

This prayer was kind of hard for me to pray. I stuttered and stopped several times, which sometimes can indicate a stronghold over the person being prayed over. When I use the word “stronghold” what I mean is any place that a demonic force has gained entry into a person’s life through sin or a generational inheritance. For instance, I inherited several generational demonic forces through my family. I had to go through several deliverance sessions in order to be free of them. In the spiritual realm, generational demons have a legal right to be in your life due to the things that your ancestors did. They just attach themselves to a family and lurk around for years until they are made to go away.

I prayed this prayer specifically because my daughter’s father is not around and I don’t know his family at all. Also, we can never know what can be passed down, spiritually, from generation to generation.

In the same vein, here is a prayer to renounce all demonic generational activity from your own life. I’ve used this prayer many times.

Renunciation and Affirmation

As a child of God purchased by the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, I here and now renounce and repudiate all the sins of my ancestors. As one who has been delivered from the power of darkness and translated into the kingdom of God’s dear Son, I cancel out all demonic working that has been passed on to me from my ancestors. As one who has been crucified with Jesus Christ and raised to walk in newness of life, I cancel every curse that may have been put upon me. I announce to Satan and all his forces that Christ became a curse for me when He hung on the cross. As one who has been crucified and raised with Christ and now sites with Him in heavenly places, I renounce any and every way in which Satan my claim ownership of me. I declare myself to be eternally and completely signed over and committed to the Lord Jesus Christ. All this I do in the name and authority of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

Opening the Root Chakra

My next project in my journey of spiritual growth is realigning and opening my chakras. I am going to start with the First Chakra (or Root Chakra) and work my way up from there. The reason I’m starting there is because I feel the need to be more grounded and connected with the earth and it just seems the right way to begin since the last Chakra (the Crown Chakra) is our connection to the divine.

Here is a simple exercise that I will be doing for the next several days (or however long it takes for me to open it) to open my Root Chakra:

Chakra one, located at the base of the spine, has to do with grounding and sending your energy downward into your roots and into the earth. Here’s a simple exercise you can practice to energize the legs and develop better grounding. Stand with your feet hip width apart, heels slightly wider than the toes. Press down and out with your feet, as if you were trying to push apart the floorboards with your feet. Inhale as you bed your knees; exhale as you push down into your feet, pushing through your legs. Repeat until your legs begin to vibrate. Once you learn this, you can practice it any time you find yourself standing – in line at the grocery store, pumping gas, cooking, or on the phone.

~Carol Ann