From my personal diary:
A woman sits with her body curled in on itself and her head rests on her knee. Her face is not visible. She is surrounded by a transparent gray-ish bubble. Directly over her head, and inside the bubble, is a pentacle inside its own bubble.
She sits on the higher of two pedestals. Directly below her grow green and flowering vines which have penetrated her bubble. Directly in front of her, only inches from her outstretched arm, is a colorful butterfly inside its own bubble as well. On the pedestal below her (she sits on the higher one) is a chameleon looking at her as if he/she is expecting something.
The backdrop is a mottled and veiny gray wall. Coming directly from the top of the bubble which surrounds the woman, is a crack in the wall which is basically straight. There is one wobbly part (almost as if it wasn’t sure of itself), but then it continues on straight to the top of the card. I also find it interesting that the crack in he wall comes directly out of the bubble that surrounds the woman. As if, in creating this bubble for herself, the energies she has created have affected the wall itself and caused it to crack.
To the left of the crack int he wall and in the top left corner we see a brightly colored and intricately designed stained glass window or painting. It is in the form of a circle with four pentacles inside and the pentacles themselves are inside their own circles. The colors inside the window or painting are basically green, purple, lavender, yellow, gold, white and gray. At the bottom of this circle, in the midst of a slash of bright yellow is a red heart, which is interestingly almost the same color as the butterfly
It seems to me that the main themes of this card are pentacles and circles. I know that when I get ready to cast a spell, I cast a circle to protect myself and I know also that the pentacles inside of a circle is a powerful symbol of protection as well. However, this is juxtaposed with the figure of the lone woman curled in on herself and since we cannot see her face, we have to assume that she also can’t see what is around her. However, the vines that are growing up from the Earth have penetrated her bubble and seem to be either touching her or moving into her. I can only think that this is the Goddess (higher power, Oneness…) attempting to ground her as she may be confused about something.
The woman seems very alone within her bubble. Almost as if she has protected herself so much and so well that she has pushed every other thing away. I know that within the Tarot, the sign of the Pentacle represents money or work. So, she has either lost money or lost work. Either way it’s a financial hardship and she has isolated herself within her bubble in her grief and sadness. She also could be experiencing emotional loss of something he has worked for.
The butterfly that hovers within its own bubble just out of her reach seems to symbolize beauty, hope, change, and/or metamorphosis. She would only have to lift her head a fraction of an inch to see it and reach out with the smallest of movements to pop the bubble surrounding the butterfly, thereby accessing its power for metamorphosis. However, at this point, she seems to be immobilized in her sadness.
I can’t help but think that if she would only move that the bubbles around her would pop and she could let in whatever pain or loss she has protected herself from. She seems to be stuck in a position where she feels sadness and/or grief, but is not letting it in wholly. It seems that if she did let it all the way in, she could finally deal with it and look up to see the beauty and hope around her. She could see that her heart is not in fact cracked in two, but whole, as is shown in the circle in the top left corner of the card.
I also think that the abundance of pentacles in the top left corner circle represent future work and financial successes if she could only come out of her bubble and recognize her own potential. This is a woman who has isolated herself with sadness and possibly self-esteem issues regarding her potential for success. She has experienced hardship and rejection and has decided that even though she is miserable that it is safer inside her bubble that outside of it. The problem with this, however, is that there is so much beauty and hope within inches of her reach if she would only move. If she would just move.
If anyone has anything else to add to this discussion, I would be more than happy to read it.
On a personal note, I pulled this card for myself yesterday when I was feeling particularly sad ( I deal with chronic depression.) and I was missing my mother terribly who died this past October suddenly of several heart attacks. It’s weird to contemplate that at my age and now with a child of my own, that I have no parents. I’m an adult orphan. It’s a weird concept to consider. I am feeling very alone at this time since I am in a new town and have yet to make any real friends. This is partly my fault since I tend to isolate myself and I have some health issues that prevent me from doing everything I would like to do socially. I am like the woman in the bubble who can’t see the beauty and hope for change beyond her own immediate surroundings. If I can only just move outside myself. I keep telling myself that. Just move. Just look around you. Let down your walls and experience life. It’s painful sometimes, but sometimes it’s joyful and hopeful. This is the thought I cling to.
I am also discovering that the grief I am experiencing from the death of my mother isn’t something that I can ever “get over” or “move through”. It has changed me irrevocably. I have to wake up each day with my first thought being, “I need to call my mom,” and then thinking to myself, “Shit, I can’t call her. She’s dead.” I found this floating around on the internet and it helped me so I thought I would share it with you all in the hopes that it may help someone else as well.
This was written by Henry Scott Holland (27 January 1847 – 17 March 1918) was Regius Professor of Divinity at the University of Oxford.
I’m still overwhelmed with grief at the passing of my mother. I feel like my days are just melting one into another. The only thing that gets me out of bed is my daughter. She needs me and I need and want to take care of her. I can’t say, however, that I’ve been in the best of moods lately. My emotions are all over the place. I’m so frustrated and angry and sad. Sometimes, out of the blue, my 4-year-old will ask me, “Mommy, are you still sad that Nana died?” I have to say “Yes” sometimes and other times I will say, “I’m still a little sad,” and then I will ask her, “Are you still sad that Nana died?”. She will invariably say, “No”. The last time she said this, I asked her why and she said, “Because Nana is in a better place. Her heart isn’t cracked anymore and she can run and play any time she wants to.” From the mouths of babes. I learn so much from her. I am so grateful that the Creator blessed me with her. I don’t always show my gratefulness through my actions, but in my heart, there is no one else in the world whom I love more than my daughter. At Thanksgiving and Christmas, I see many people saying what they are thankful for. Well, here’s my small list:
- My amazing daughter
- House to live in
- Money to pay rent
- Food to eat
- Car to drive
- My mom is with her Creator and is in no more pain and will have no more sadness ever.
- Heat in my house for when it gets cold
- Air conditioning for when it gets hot
- Electricity and the money to pay the bill
- Running water and the money to pay that bill
This is what I’m not thankful for: The pain and large hole in my life that my mother left when she died. On a purely intellectual level, I realize that grief is somewhat selfish. I mean, my mom is in a better place. Her life really didn’t end. Her physical body just gave out and her spirit went somewhere else where she can be totally fulfilled in a way that as a spirit trapped in my physical body I will never understand until I reach that point. Not that I wish for death or anything. I just realize that maybe I should be focusing more on the positive side of her death than the negative outcome it presents for me.
This is my tarot card for the day: The Knight of Cups
I’m not sure what this means for me. Does it mean that I will rise up above the waters of my grief to ride the waves and not drown (like I’m feeling now?). Does it mean that someone will come into my life who will pull me out of my grief and sadness and show me what it means to be happy and adventurous again? These court cards can sometimes represent an actual person, so I’m wondering if it does represent a person, who that person could be and if I already know them.
He is the knight of the Round Table on the grand quest for the Grail. He is the romantic who seeks where his heart and emotions lead. He is the artist and the musician and the poet whose eyes see into the unseen nether-realms of imagination. He is the idealist who will not let physical laws stop him from riding with reckless abandon across the wave tops on his journey.
To all of my readers, I apologize for being gone for these last six months. I moved four hours away from where I had previously been in order to take care of my elderly mother, who just passed into the light on October 18th at 11:22am. She was 74 years old. I’m still arranging for her funeral so I’m trying to post a little something here each day or so that may help someone. This is the purpose of this blog, after all, to present powerful prayers and spells for free so that those who want to help themselves can do so without having to pay any money for it.
After I get over the initial shock of my mother’s death and funeral, I intend to post a lot more here about various things and hopefully will be able to upgrade my account. Until then, my lovely readers, may the Creator bless you.
The Three of Pentacles, like the Threes in the other suits, represents the initial completion of a goal or plan. In this case, the Three implies the fulfilment and manifestation of a creative venture, business, or building project. The inspiration of the individual (i.e. the mason) is beginning to be concreted in the material world, and the decisions of the two (i.e. the two monks) have been made successfully. An initial satisfaction is now being enjoyed and the project is well underway. You have all of the skills necessary to accomplish your goals in life, thus you have the ability to succeed in all your ventures. You are keen to improve the quality of your life or your work.
The message of the Three of Pentacles is one of encouragement. If you continue to work toward the fulfillment of your dreams and do not allow disillusionment to dampen your enthusiasm, ultimately you will experience prosperity and success in your goals. You need to do work that is satisfying to you and that you can be truly proud of. What new beginnings are you experiencing in the material realm? Is there some project or creative venture you have been putting off because of fear of failure? The Three of Pentacles indicates that dreams can be made real with persistence, determination, and effort.
The Three of Pentacles may also suggest that you need help to complete your work and can draw on the knowledge and experience of others. It may be beneficial to share your work with a partner but only if they are as conscientious as you.
At the core of the Three of Pentacles is the notion of teamwork and collaboration. In the card, we see a young mason working hard on building part of the cathedral. The two monks enter, with their worldly knowledge and spiritual understanding to bring a new perspective to the mason’s work. Even though their backgrounds, experience levels and knowledge is very different, they are able to come together to share their expertise in a way that creates synergy and improved results. There is no ‘us and them’ or any sense of superiority. Rather, each person has something unique to offer and is willing to learn from others involved in the project. Everyone is getting the job done together and is contributing to the group through effective listening and sharing. This is a positive card to see when teamwork, collaboration and cooperation are required between parties with different levels of experience.
The Three of Pentacles also points to the importance of feedback. The mason is open to listening to the monks and taking on their feedback on his progress so far. His primary goal is to do a great job, and he knows that the monks will be able to help him get there. He does not take it personally but uses their feedback and input to continually improve in his work.
Effective planning, management and organisation are also key components of the Three of Pentacles. In order to accomplish significant goals, such as building a monumental cathedral, it is imperative that detailed planning occurs to ensure that all the components are progressing well. This card therefore reflects a time when it is essential to create a detailed plan and to follow a schedule. This is when good project management will pay off.
The companion book to my Shadowscapes tarot cards says this about the Three of Pentacles:
They work together as one, creating a human ladder and climbing upon each other’s shoulders. With their combined height, they reach upwards, they yearn towards the sky.
Into the stone wall she inscribes her pentacles and her circles. They form a chain of overlapping arcs, like her interlinked relationships: circles sets of inclusion and combination. It is a mathematical equation of human relationships and interactions.
Each arc is inscribed with care, as if they follow a blueprint. Her fingers trail through the stone as easily as if the surface were malleable clay. The solid stone gives way under the soft flesh of her fingertips. such is the power of their combined wills that what is “impossible” suddenly becomes easy, mundane, achievable. They comprehend the power of unity when one works in conjunction with others.
The Three of Pentacles is the embodiment of teamwork, of functioning together as a unit. It underscores competence and achieving beyond the expected. Sometimes the support of others is required to achieve a goal; not everything can be accomplished solo. Not everything needs to be accomplished alone. Reaching out to others is no failing, but working with others requires patience, planning and compromise to adhere to standards of cooperation.
The mediation for today talks about love and relationships:
Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new. ~ Ursula K. Leguin
In the first phases of a relationship, everything is new and exciting. It seems as though nothing could ever go wrong.
yet as we move out of this “honeymoon” phase of the relationship, problems begin. Suddenly we notice things about the other person that bother us. We seem to have ore disagreements and more difficulties that take longer to solve. We may even silently choose corners, put up walls, and back away from each other.
It’s easy at this stage to want to end the relationship. But not is when the outcome of the relationship is most critical. If we run away from renewing our love and rebuilding the foundations of trust and faith in each other, we will deprive our love of its nourishment for growth. Love takes constant work and needs plenty of patience. Each day can reveal a new layer of love; each stage in a relationship moves us to a new plateau. But only if we are willing.
I can look at my relationships and see the potential for growth. Help me renew my feelings of love through faith.
I think that the talk of work in all of these meditations is apropos, considering the suit of Pentacles is all about work. Personally, I am trying to build an online business through Etsy and this encourages me to keep going and to make clear goals and follow through with my ideas and persistence.
With my relationships, there is a lot going on right now. I noticed yesterday (which was a bit of a crisis day including me breaking down in tears), that I am moving from a place of trust with a friend of mine to a place of mistrust. I thought I knew what to expect from her, but now I have no idea. So, I find myself drawing into myself as a defense mechanism, which is what I’ve always done for protection. I also find myself thinking petty thoughts, which does no one (especially me) any good. Regarding love for her, I can say that I love her in the sense that I don’t want any harm to come to her and her family, but at this point in my life, I’m ready to be separated from her since I feel like she’s literally pulled the rug out from under mine and my daughter’s existence.
Another relationship that has been developing is the relationship I have with my mother. I can say that over the past few years we have gotten closer and that’s a good thing. Like the mediation on love and relationships suggests, keeping this relationship healthy is going to take a lot of work on both our parts, especially since we don’t have that great of a history. However, over the past few years and especially since I’ve had my daughter, she has really been my only advocate and the only one who has consistently supported me in all ways. So, I am glad of that and I try to be supportive in return, although, I don’t have the means to support her monetarily like she has with me. I wish I had it, but I just don’t at this point.
Overall, I think that this day’s tarot card and meditation are positive and encouraging and I feel encouraged, which is good. I really needed it after yesterday. I think all relationships, no matter the kind (romantic, friendship, family) require work on both parts of the people involved. What I mean by this is that when the difficult times come, and they most certainly will, that we have to endeavor to put our egos and trust issues aside for a moment and try to connect with that person. This is hard to do since most of us have major issues with trust and will withdraw into our protective and defensive corners when we feel hurt or threatened. The challenge is to not withdraw. The challenge is to connect and try to work around whatever differences or hardships occur.
Reversed Four of Wands Tarot Card Meanings
The Four of Wands reversed suggests there is a lack of harmony or a breakdown in communication in your family or home. There may be tension between family members or loved ones and you are finding yourself getting caught up in other people’s concerns and relationship problems. This may leave you feeling uncertain about your own relationships and what you can and cannot depend on. You may also be going through a period of transition in your family and home life and feeling some tension as a result.
Similarly, you may find your home situation becomes increasingly unstable. There may be an external threat to the peace and happiness you once had in your home. You may be placed into a temporary situation which appeases your immediate concerns but does not yet solve the longer-term issues. Depending on your living arrangements, it may be better to move home for the time being to allow things to settle.
Given the upright Four of Wands reflects stability, the reversal of this card can indicate that you are going through a period of transition where there is little stability and security. You may be experiencing multiple changes in your life, such as changing jobs, moving house and/or leaving a relationship. While you know that this is an important transition that you need to make, it can be quite unsettling, leaving you feeling out of balance and uncertain about your future.
In a relationship reading, the Four of Wands reversed reflects someone who may not be looking for a particularly long-term relationship but is willing to invest in it for the time being. There is a lack of commitment, or even a fear of commitment, which is preventing them from wanting a long-term relationship.
Meditation on Prayer for February 22, 2015
Prayer is neither black magic nor is it a form of a demand note. Prayer is a relationship.~ John Heuss
A conversation requires two parts: talking and listening. When we are only talking, that is a monologue. When someone lectures, we listen. Prayer can be a form of conversation, yet if we examine the way we pray we may find it’s a monologue.
We pray to ask for answers or guidance, to express our gratitude, and to bless those we care for. It’s wonderful to open up a channel to our Higher Power by beginning the conversation, but unless we allow time to listen we will never really develop a dialogue.
We can begin to change our way of praying. We can limit our requests so we are not listing a series of wishes or demands. We can ask for patience to listen and then allow a few moments to listen. The answers will come to us and our guidance will be given when we are truly ready to receive it. An equal balance of talking and listening will help strengthen our relationship with our Higher Power.
I will pray and then listen, to allow my Higher Power some time to communicate with me.
Just a personal side note: I find that listening is a harder task by far than praying. It’s easy to ask for something. I pray for others all the time. It’s also easy to ask for help to get ourselves out of a bad situation. However, listening takes some practice and we don’t always get the answer we think we want or when we think the right time is. We have to be truly open and willing to accept whatever comes from the Higher Power and/or our Higher Selves and we have to make the time for it. In the spiritual dimension, things happen in the blink of an eye, but if we are not ready, then the answer will hang there waiting on us to open the door.
The suit of Wands is associated with the element of fire. The first thing I felt when I drew this card and saw that it was inverted was that my inner fire may be burning low today. Otherwise, this card speaks of someone who is over confident because they have conquered many people and difficult situations to get where they are. It speaks of victory and confidence in skills and abilities, but also speaks of a warning to avoid the hubris and lassitude that may come from sitting on top of the mountain.
Since my card is inverted, it is telling me that I don’t feel confident in my skills and abilities today. It is speaking to me of feeling like I will never be able to get to the top of the mountain. It is speaking of frustration.
I am frustrated in my role as a parent. My daughter is two and has the requisite tantrums which accompany two year olds. She screams, hits, sometimes bites, calls me names…the whole nine. At these times, I feel woefully ill equipped to deal with her. I am mainly an over indulgent parent and I’m very demonstrative with my affections. I hug and kiss her a lot and carry her around. She sits in my lap most times when we are at home. It’s when I stop being over indulgent and am firm on the boundaries that the tantrums come. I don’t know whether to just let her have her screaming fit or to try to intervene at that point. I definitely don’t want to spank her or use any other kind of physical intervention. I’ve tried “time out”, but that doesn’t work very well. She won’t stay where she’s supposed to. I’ve tried reasoning with her and explaining cause and consequence in a way hopefully that she can understand, but it doesn’t seem to stick in her brain. The next time I tell her that it’s bedtime or that she can’t jump on the bed because she will fall off, the tantrum will be inevitable. It leaves me feeling emasculated, feeling like a bad person and a bad mother, and feeling guilty for being so under equipped to deal with her at those moments. What I mainly do during these moments is pray silently for patience and that I can be enabled to be kind towards her no matter what her actions towards me may be. I cannot express how much I love her and I always want her to know that she is my treasure and my aim is to always treat her as such.
This is the second time I’ve drawn this card since I started doing this last month. The suit of Pentacles symbolizes work and all the things we do while working. I feel like I am always working to accomplish something. I am really wanting to make a good life for my daughter and myself and to that end, I feel that if I’m not working at something then I’m failing. That’s when I get anxious and depressed. I feel the best when I know that I’m working toward something positive or an attainable goal.
This particular card is about having sown the seeds of success and deciding whether or not to reap them right now. It is about rewards for hard work. It is also about contemplating life and different choices and approaches to it.
Last night I was spiritually attacked after giving a very negative tarot reading to a person who, I found out later, had demonic spirits attached to her: an incubus and a vampire demon. Those are the only two I know of. I severed contact with her because of the attack.
I did a past, present and future reading for her. The past card was the Four of Pentacles which symbolizes someone who is selfish in every way; taking and never giving; perhaps hoarding something like wealth for fear that it will disappear or someone will take it; someone who hates and resents change; someone who only has one view of the world; someone who has cut themselves off from everyone due to their selfishness and someone who is in denial of the things right in front of them. The present card was Temperence, but it was inverted, suggesting of someone who is not in harmony with anything; who has no equilibrium; no moderation of extremes or self restraint; I got the feeling that this person’s personality was manic and all over the place. Her future card was the Two of Swords suggesting that in her near future, she would be in a weird lock step dance with those around her trying to find some grace, but never getting there. She would never compromise and would still be in denial and those around her would find her hard, stubborn and unyielding.
She told me that I was in no way right about this. That my whole reading of her had been wrong. By this time, I had begun to feel the first of the attack so I knew that I was right and that she was totally in denial just as the cards said that she would be. She got very angry with me so I severed contact with her and suffered through her attack for the rest of the night and into the next morning.
I tried to sleep, but only had dreams of calendars floating through space. I did some research on dreams of calendars and discovered that calendars in dreams can signify a date looming that you’d rather not think about; can mean that you are a very organized person; also can mean a gradual reduction of worries. Since I’m not very organized I guess I’m going to go with a looming date I’m not looking forward to and/or a gradual reduction of worries. I have been meaning to perform the binding spell again since the last full moon, but haven’t done it. I had to get supplies and then I bought a black onyx and a rainbow moonstone ring so those had to be cleansed for 72 hours in the freezer so….I don’t know why I’m procrastinating. I should be on top of this so that the stalker will not move against me.